i almost forgot my favorite conversation of the week

snoop is so funny. classic:

TMZ spotted Snoop walking to his car after his dinner, and he wasn't shy with his choice of words regarding the paparazzi, saying, "Damn, is Britney Spears around this muthaf***er?" And when someone asked the Doggfather if he felt like Britney, he quipped, "Hell naw, I ain't feelin' nothing like her! I'm keeping my hair and my kids!"

*_*

maaaaaaaaaan, you gotta be on your game to be a blogger these days. but i ain't complainin' because at least you're reading it.

don't you love it (sarcasm) when you're totally bummed out about something and then you read your horoscope and it's just really what you're going through!! damn. here's mine:

something needs to change -- maybe the furniture, maybe something smaller. your living or working space has been bugging you for ages, but you never really noticed it until now. fix it up soon!

i mean. it's as if the goddess of the horoscopes actually sees how bad my laundry runneth over and just couldn't take it any longer. oh gosh and my craft station. i'm stressed out, dude. i need a bigger place. definitely.

what a day.

did i do the laundry? no, but i don't do laundry on weekends (apparently i don't do it on weekdays either)

did i organize my art space? ugh, i'm working on a project

stress is a trip. i can't pin point one thing. it's lots of things. everything adds up and then it just pops!! thank god i have this blog. well, if i'm not naming all the crap then i guess having a blog is irrelevent, huh. oh. no it's not. thank god i have the blog because the blog is stressfree. whew.

things are looking up.

sweet sixteen excuses to unexpectantly stop blogging, choose one:

• the hills is back on
• i'm planning a bridal shower (not mine)
• i'm planning a wedding (not mine)
• i'm planning a housewarming (not mine)
• i've being obsessively compulsed with spacebags (mine)
• i can't pickup my neighbor's internet as easy as before
• i got a blackberry
• i can't blog from my blackberry
• i can blog from my blackberry but i haven't figured it out yet
• i bought this hip hop cardio video workout dvd and i can't move
• i started taking extended naps
• i don't know
• writer's blog, i mean block
• i wanted to see if i'd be missed
• i forgot
• i needed a mental health sabbatical
• i now love chewing gum (oh wait . . . that's seventeen - bonus!!)

Lord Lord Lord Lord. Where have I been?

My poor little bloggles. My bad. What have I been up to anyway? Nuttin' much. Well, not that I can think of.

Funny story though:A bunch of girls are planning a shower for one of my girlfriends. So I'm trippin' off of one of the chicks because she's this broke-but-high-end acting girl that I've heard way too many stories of examples about.

So I'm describing her to my friend CRISSY! by saying, "dang, she's always flossin' when she doesn't even have money like that." Then CRISSY! goes,"maybe she just really like dental hygeine because I kinda floss a lot too"

Oh my gah, I thought I was gonna die!!!!!!!!

So she looks at me and goes, what? I'm like, 'no silly - flossin' means showing off and being flashy!' (huge convultions of laughter erupt) Then to make it worse CRISSY! told me that there's a dance that she does when Fergie sings *flossin,flossin*. She puts one hand in front of her face and the other next to her ear and moves her hands back and forth. Like she's using freakin' invisible floss.

hippie prayer

how come not having any money in the bank doesn't get me down?
i mean i used to get stressed about the bills
i used to cry
now i'm just kinda like, whateva let's go to the bookstore
and get some starbucks
i just want to enjoy my life
i just want to share that enjoyment with my booka
every single day
am i supposed to be stressed?
i don't think so
life is short
we've heard it a million, three thousand and twenty-two times at least
and if i dropped dead when i finished typing this
wouldn't the bank account balance and the bills still be there?
i guess it wouldn't matter then
my ma called tonight
to let me know that some student loan bill
one that i already paid came in the mail
again
it said that it's a nursing loan
i was not a nursing major
so what's a nursing loan?
great (total sarcasm)
whatevs
i just want to be free
i don't want to be one of those people
people who pride themselves on calling themselves a free spirit
laidback
i want to genuinely be a free spirit
i mean
i want stuff
i want a home
i want a family
i want to walk in a store and buy a caftan if i want it
mmm
and coach has a cute one that i'd love to have
but the damn thing costs more than my car payment
and more than my rent
that's a no no
but you get the point
what is the point?
why save if you can't get what you want?
i mean it's nice to have a cushion to get what you need
but if you can't get what you want
there's no fun
goal:
a fun loving free spirit with a cushion
the new age hippie
the modern hippie
if there could be such
i just want to be happy
but most of all
i want everyone around me to be happy
i want my man to be happy
and satisfied
i don't want him to ever have to worry about a thing
and my girlfriends and fam too
let's all be happy
and celebrate
and enjoy
savoring it all
and we can have it too
all we gotta do
is pray

amen

TGIVF (thank god it's vintage friday)

play along: let's just call it vintage friday and leave it at that . . . soooooo, in light of this festive occassion (hellu, it's vintage friday) these are two of my most fave blog entries that i've ever posted on my late great myspace blog. enjoy:

Ever driven a hearse on chrome?
Only in Atlanta. This is from years ago but it still is on of my favorite memories.
I went to Sears to get my car serviced and what started off as a simple tire rotation and oil change turned into my most memorable ghetto moment to date. Because I never meet a stranger, I was leaning on the counter in my four-inch platform boots having the most intense conversation with the cashier about the search for the most perfect eyebrow archer in town when the mechanic comes around to tell me there's a problem. The screw, bolt or whatever he called it broke off of one of my wheels. Problem being, the wheels were already removed from the car and they don't have the proper lug nut (that's it) to replace it. Soooooo, they offer me the keys to the mechanic's car (seriously who does this happen to) to drive to the Suzuki dealership to pick up another one. Apparently, I was supposed to be flattered because all his co-workers went on and on like . . .
"Uh uh girl what? He don't let nobody even lean on his ride"
"Oh my gah, man. I got to take a picture of this"
"Guuuuurl, you must got that whip appeal or he must be sick. I can't believe this"
Crazy but . . . I took the keys (no one could leave because they were so backed up already). By now I'm just like whateva, give me the key. When he walked me out and showed me the car I thought for sure I was getting punked. The damn car was as long as my mother's house!! The pedal was so freakin' heavy that my thigh was sore by the time I got to my destination.
Oh. Back up. After I got in he goes (I swear to God), "The permit for the gun is in the sunvisor." He was smiling like he just won a car show, y'all. What was I supposed to do? Once I got comfortable, I drove the hell out of that car. I remember continuously checking my lip gloss in this great rearview mirror admiring that it was even bigger and better than the one in my bathroom at home.
So I get to the dealership . . . I promise you that I was turning heads. Invision it: hair freshly done just right, curvaceous, long-legged stunner in a black wrap dress with boots to match, walking in like I'm the modern day Pam Grier. I figured that if I'm ridin' dirty then I might as well play the part. I mean. When I walked in . . . silence. Broken when one guy was like, "Where'd you get those rims. My cousin got the twenties." I had no idea what he was talkin' about. I just flashed a friendly smile and looked back and stated, "It's not my car."
I got back to the auto body shop. Relayed the part they were waiting for. In exchange for my duties and day of bonding, I received a check to reimburse me for my mileage, free service and a hug from each of my newfound friends.
True story.


i almost died today
there was a spider (we'll call him satan-in-costume for short) that jumped out of my sunvisor on the way to work this morning and i literally went awol at the exact moment that i was supposed to be driving.
i seriously have been on edge for a little while now and i'm finding myself nodding my head going, "you know what? i'm really understanding that whole britney spears episode more and more each day". the craziness just won't stop. i'm looking in the mirror every morning on my way out the door like, "aiight, britney. here we go." (new mantra)from my dementia-ridden nanna to my cancer-diagnosed faaaavorite uncle back to the ridiculously low balance in the bank up thru the love that i'm longing for, i'm stressed out. isn't it funny (not really) as soon as i'm like, "alright. no more!!" here comes satan-in-costume . . . biatch!!
so naturally (for the neurotic it's natural), i had to spend my whole freakin' lunch hour in my car looking for his ass. no where to be found.
so . . . if you try to contact me tomorrow and you can't, please call 911. i probably have been secretly bitten and can't move and in dying need for some medical attention. thanks.

what up, cootie queens?

this rerun of girlfriends got me thinking about babies
well
a baby
(just to be clear - joan thinks she's pregnant, not me)
but
if i did just pee on a stick
and it showed that cream is gonna be a daddy
what would i do (hypothetically speaking)
whew
i'm having a flashback to that proposal gone wrong

never mind

attempt to tell a story : take two

i have a girlfriend that moms the funniest little boy
(well besides zachi and justin oh and never mind)
anyway the kid is hella funny
so today i hear this story:

her husband called in a panic for her to get home because she wouldn't believe what he's looking at . so she gets home . she gets escorted upstairs . she gets into the hallway and views twenty-four unravelled rolls of tissue (i bet it was the double rolls too) . when she asked him (her kid)why . he let her know that he was pretending to be snowboarding and one roll of tissue wasn't enough snow. (envision it . insert: laugh)

district of hotness

the sun in dc is on fire
and the next friend or beau that wants to go out in the middle of the day,
i'll pass

between the tantrum i had to sit next to
and
the prideful walk i shared to find a train
and
the tan line i didn't ask for (cranky)

it's gonna be a long hot summer
and
next time i won't wear all black to it

my daddy: the pimp

mercedes,
you have so much imagination and creativity and spirit and purpose and vision and love and hope and goals. now how do we convert that into lots of cash.
daddio

Bradford Ralph Clark 1948-2007

Every night before I lay to rest
I watch the pounding of my bare chest
I’m replaying it all inside my heart
And wonder just when did your end start

Every morning inside my car
I wonder if your body knows where you are
I’m double checking over my right shoulder
And I can hear my tear drop as hard as a boulder

Every time I adjust the rearview
I am reminded of the last time that I saw you
I’m nervous that I didn’t tell you that I loved you enough
And then I know I’m trippin’ with all that foolish fluff

Every moment that you looked at me the night before
I told you that I loved you down to the core
I’m so in love with my Daddy Brad
And having talks with an uncle like you always made things not so bad

Every thought of Uncle Jamal always made me feel sad for you
I know that losing your brother like that was a lot to go thru
I’m now feeling the loss and pain of not being able to help
And waking up in the middle of the night wanting to blame myself

Every second that I sped to the hospital is such a blur to me
I got there as fast as I could only praying for God to give relief
I’m a believer in His word and know what’s meant to be will happen
And realizing this each day is getting easier with the help of my Captain

Every day I look at your ashes wondering should I set them free
I am keeping it as a reminder for now, sorta like a diary
I’m blessed to have spent your last two days no further than a foot away
And I’ll keep those memories with me forever and ever and a day

© 2007 by MTBC - All Rights Reserved

i have gotten so many emails from folks wanting to get an update on my little cousin that i blogged about a while ago. here's the update that i received from a friend of my jaylyn's mom:

update #2

I'm pleased to be the bearer of great news. Today, Jaylyn visited the doctor's office for a blood work checkup and the doctors are baffled. After just 4 weeks of receiving chemotherapy treatment; the presence of the tumor has diminished dramatically. The preliminary exam shows only trace signs of the tumor. The examining doctor said that she could only feel a miniscule bump at the original site on Jaylyn's body. Your collective prayers are working!! Thank you so much. Debbie called me at work and said, "Get ready to fall out of your seat..." Now I knew that Jaylyn had her check up today, but I didn't make any presumptions about the results either way. After she told me the good news, joy watered my eyes. Through the phone I heard and felt Debbie's faith affirmed. She knew, like I knew, that it is a miracle that only heavens provide. That's a powerful experience to share. As a faithful person and an eternal optimist, I pray for God's will to be done and that we're all stronger after He performs His works. The journey is not over. Jaylyn must wait for official word back from the head oncologist, but this is certainly a step in the right direction. I just had to share this with you all. Please continue to keep Jaylyn in your prayers. Have a triumphant day!

update #3

Friends and Family: I pray that your day is well and that you are treating yourselves right. I wanted to share a brief update on Jaylyn. Thank you all for your collective prayers and positive thoughts.Jaylyn is entering the next phase of her treatment. In preparation for chemotherapy, this morning doctors inserted a port into Jaylyn's chest. A port is a medication delivery device. It facilitates quick and efficient drug flow throughout her system and minimizes the pain and scarring caused by repeated needle pricking. She's recovering nicely at home with Grandma now.Next week Jaylyn will receive her first round of chemo medication. We expect for the dosage to be considerably more potent than when she was a baby because now her body can handle more. Even if this premise is true in this case, eating the right foods will help Jaylyn regenerate faster the healthy cells damaged by the medication. So Debbie's main focus over the past couple of weeks is getting Jaylyn's diet battle ready - less processed foods, more vegetables, no microwavable products, 100% juice, no meat with hormones and antibiotics; essentially shopping at Whole Foods. Of course, this is an expensive route, but the cost of not doing it is tremendously higher.Yes, a challenging road lies ahead, but Jaylyn is still in remarkable spirits. Arch and Debbie (Jaylyn's mom and dad) are holding up reasonably well and Josh is still being a supportive big brother.I ask that you continue to lift Jaylyn, Archie, Debbie and Josh up in prayer.With love, Camisha

miss new beauty

i am totally lovin' ojon restorative hair treatment. it's so pricey slash worth the try. loves it. and i never love hair products for my natural hair. i'm on a google hunt though. searching natural black hair products one forum at a time.

starting tomorrow though i'm back to the letting-my-natural-curl-do-what-it-do do; it's the easiest and nice in this summer heat. i was doing the flat-iron-enough-to-do-that-cool-bun-thing hair but i'm missing the wet-then-leave-in-conditioner-to-let-it-air-dry style.

have you seen real world las vegas reunited? i'm not really feelin' it. i don't know if it's arissa's need for a new hairdo or irulan's whiney cryin' behind (and i so adored irulan the first go round) or brynn's family constantly hanging out without ever saying a word or frank's wackness . . . i don't like it. so you don't have to bother watching it either.

oh my lawd ... dr phil just called somebody a "skanky lookin' coke whore". whoa! i gotta go watch this. plus i need to wash out my ojon.

peace.

"who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint licker!"

that commercial is hilarious.

okay so in the mist of my missing the hills i think that i might kinda like a new show. it's called i propose & it's on the style channel. which is awesome because clean house - wack, the biggest loser - wacker. i don't know why they don't show a bunch of runway shows instead. duh, style channel! super early in the morning used to show behind the velvet rope and some runway highlights show that i can't remember the name of but even those seem to have gone missing. they might be upgrading though because the website is looking rather nice these days . . . oh wait, the great runway shows are all in the category "more shows". they are really losing focus over there. humph.

(watching tv as i type) uh oh. this i propose show could be dangerous. the commercial just showed some girl that had a look on her face like she wasn't having it.

(update after watching a little) this kinda sucks though because in the initial interviews they're sitting together and the girls talk about their dream proposal or ring or whatever. doesn't that defeat the purpose? like the couple have already discussed being engaged. huh? where's the element of surprise. reality teevee, i tell ya.

i wonder what cream would do if i proposed to him. yeah. this could be dangerous. i could see it now.

me: hey, booka
he: what's up *smooch, while copping a feel*
me: i love you
he: iloveyoutoo (he talks really fast)
me: baby i wanna ask you to marry me
he: [BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURST OF LAUGHTER]
me: (side eye) you don't have to laugh so hard (and then i start my pissed off laugh because i'm trying to be serious right now)

oh great. dry hahaa. whew. yeah. alrighty then. that might not be happening because all i'm doing is typing out a scenario and it's making my neck feel tight and my hands are sweaty and my heart is beating all fast. all at the thought of him saying no.

would he say no? **wait. what am i doing?**

thanks for reading my blog . . . and putting up with me. gah. what a drama queen.

i'm starting to really relate to those wicked coldstone commercials

so i'm back on my nothing-tastes-as-good-as-thin-feels regimen. and yesterday was my payday slash grocery shopping excursion (except i didn't go; i don't remember why).

oh now i remember.

i didn't have my list of things i have already made before i left work. don't you hate buying food that's already in your kitchen? ugh, annoying (unless it's tuna or saltines oh & coffee pods). how many cans of kidney beans does one lady need? because one time i just kept buying them to make chili. i never made the chili but i winded up with like seven cans of goya dark red kidney beans.

the diet. concentrate.

i was thisclose to running to dairy queen to try out that new caramel/waffle cone/chocolate blizzard that's flashing across the tv every freakin' 17 minutes. that's when i knew it was time to take control. control of what i say. control of what i do. (sorry - total janet j flashback. ooooh i used to love that song let's wait a while)

this blog has no purpose. i'm just craving junk and thought that that i'd blog a little until it passed.

ever heard that a craving only lasts from 8 to 14 minutes? 8 minutes? that's a dance.

MISSING YOUs

• baked cool ranch doritos
• a back with no fat
• the hills, season 2
• text messaging crissy!! about the hills during commercial breaks
• 80s r&b and early 90s hip hop
• shopping sprees with my ma
• the not-too-too-thin-rachel-zoe-inspired nicole richie
• dreams of working in fashion
• laguna beach (the kristen years)
• nonstop energy
• my tax refund
• anitra & caroline - the only two that i couldn't find on myspace

I'M THINKING THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO GO BACK IN FILL IN THOSE BULLETS LATER. SO, WHAT'S UP? FATHER'S DAY THIS WEEKEND (DAMNIT, I'M GONNA BE UP ALL NIGHT NOW MAKING A CARD. WHO AM I KIDDING? I LIVE TO CREATE STUFF LIKE THAT!!)

I NEED SOMETHING CLEVER. MY MOM'S CARD WAS CUTE. IT WAS A PICTURE OF (DISCLAIMER: THE REMAINDER OF THIS SENTENCE IS COPYWRITTEN 2007 BY MERCY THE BUTTERFLY CHASER, BOYEEEEEEE. SO DON'T EVEN GO MAKING UP SOMETHING LIKE FOR YOUR MOMS TRYING TO PASS IT AS YOUR OWN. THANKS. 'PRECIATE IT.) BEYONCE AND TINA SITTING ON A SOFA AND READ, ANYONE WHO THINKS BEYONCE IS THE LUCKIEST DAUGHTER IN THE WORLD OBVIOUSLY HASN'T MET SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! I FORGOT HOW IT READ BUT IT WAS CUTE. MY MOM LOVED IT!! SHE ACTUALLY FRAMED IT TOO.

OOH. AND THE BRAIDS THAT I PUT IN MY HAIR SO THAT MY HAIR COULD GROW OUT A LITTLE FASTER . . . OVER. I MISSED MY HAIR. SO NOW I'VE MOVED ON TO SOME NEW THINGS TO TRY OUT. I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED. AND IF YOU KNOW ANY PRODUCTS TO DIE FOR, HOLLA.

the hair, the shittles & adoring my man

finally, i'm up for air . . . isn't love grand?

so i'm on this new kick - forums about rapid hair growth (ooh, i feel an itch, maybe it's working). that and colon cleansing (beware of the picture gallery). see. i'm becoming too busy to blog. long hair plus a clean colon oozes sexiness.

happiness does not equal blogging. apparently, because i can't motivate myself to get online for anything.

but during my sabbatical i have discovered some interesting lil funnies:

1. i am a calla lily in a flowy wrap dress on a breezy day. but unless you've got an ass like eva longoria, don't wear a thong. it would be my luck that as soon as i'm chillin' and peaceful in my own little zone (walking to the tune of my new theme song this is why i'm hot) on a nice stroll thru the parking deck on the way to my car (destination home for lunch) that my dress blows over my head right in front of smokers pointe. even though no one seemed to look (except that weird cockeyed lady that's always talking about what her juvenile delinquent son did last night), it still was embarrassing. i got home and changed to boy shorts immediately.
2. a gentleman should still be a gentle man even if he doesn't want to sleep with the chick that's standing next to him. agree? story: i'm at the mall. this abercrombie-slash-laguna-beach looking dude sees me walking right behind him (only like five steps away). the southern hospitable thing to do would be to hold the door for anyone that close to you - especially if this person is a woman. i kid you not, he looked at me and rolled his eyes!! then he looked right behind me and saw another woman behind me with long, breezy, waist-length, pantene-commercial, kelly ripa blond hair. i kid you not, as soon as he saw her he bust out a kool-aid smile and tried to scoot me along to hold the door for her. scoot. wait a minute - envision it: this stranger actually was flitting me along. me and my cute little self. i'm a lady. hmm. that's wack. be cordial - you know? karma though because she rolled her eyes & sucked her teeth LOUD and totally dissed his ass. booyah!!
3. nothing makes a fabulous woman stand straighter than a delicious faux-high end bag. fendi being my bag of choice. i found it. i bought it. i love it. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and i sleep with it. what? it makes me happy. my boss said that she hopes that i'm not contributing to terrorism. her exact words, "i wonder how many missiles can be made from fake handbag money?" love is blind because that comment didn't bother me a bit. i actually jumped right over it and quickly replied, "i know!! isn't it cute?!!"
4. uh oh

my boo just called. later!!

i'm back, yo

my vacay seemed so long. all the excitement leading up to the most highly anticipated weekend ever was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than i could have ever dreamed of. i have the most beautiful love for the most wonderful man.

(cream, i love you so much)

it's so crazy when you've loved someone for half your life and no matter how much you've tried and cried and lived and searched and lost and found and prayed and continued and moved on and not quite moved on and gone to counseling and told your best friend all about it and wondered if and rekindled and wondered where and questioned and so on that you never quite filled that hole in your heart in the shape of him (or her).

i learned to put God in the forefront for everything i do. i made a list. i stopped worrying. and now he's here. forever. and just like that - the hole is sealed.

the weekender bag

WELL, THE CABLE’S OFF. I CAN’T PICKUP THE INTERNET @ HOME. MY PLACE IS ALL TIDY. I REALLY DON’T FEEL LIKE SCRAPBOOKING OR READING. WHAT ELSE TO DO BUT CLEAN OUT MY PURSE. I FIGURE THAT IT HAS TO BE DONE IN ORDER TO GET READY FOR THE AIRPORT SECURITY I’M ABOUT TO PASS ON MY WAY TO THE MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED WEEKEND EVER.

WHO AM I KIDDING SOUNDING ALL LAIDBACK . . . I’M TOTALLY STOKED!!

DANG. IT’S A WONDER THAT I MANAGE TO STAND STRAIGHT WITH ALL THE BAGGAGE I’M HANDLING. WHO KNEW I WAS A BAG LADY:

headbands – I MUST HAVE TAKEN THESE OFF AND PUT THEM AWAY OR SOMETHING; WHO KNOWS
OPI polish - 3 TO BE EXACT: A NUDE, A PALE PINK & A VERY HOT PINK
6 allergy capsules - NEVER KNOW WHEN I’LL JUST HAVE TO TASTE THAT CRAB CAKE
necklace
matchbook from my favorite restaurant/brunch spot
spare keys – SPARE KEYS? THAT’S KINDA DUMB, RIGHT?
cell – MY LIFELINE
a receipt with an email addy of a girl that i met a couple of weeks ago
shoe bag – YOU’D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY TIMES I’VE USED THIS. I’VE BEEN KNOWN TO BUY A PAIR THAT LOOKS BETTER WITH WHAT I’M WEARING AND THEN I PUT THE ONES I HAVE ON IN THE BAG & GO
side comb – SOMETIMES THIS HAIR OF MINE HAS TO BE TIED DOWN
bangle - MY STAPLE
sunnies - CHANEL IN BLACK (I LIVE FOR THESE SUNGLASSES)
chinese fortune that reads do not give up; the beginning is always the hardest
church business card with the times scribbled on the back
oral b brushups – LOVE THESE LITTLE THINGS
another business card – this one from my ex-pt job; that idea didn’t last long
coupon to my other favorite brunch spot
$1.46 in loose change – WHICH IS WEIRD SINCE I NEVER HAVE CASH
zen mp3 player – LOVES IT; NOTHING LIKE GREAT SOUNDS WHEN OUT SHOPPING OR CHECKING EMAIL AT THE LIBRARY OR GOING ON MY WALK ALONE
digital camera - THE CYBERSHOT
wallet – IT'S COACH & I THINK IT'S REALLY A PDA HOLDER
day planner – MY TO-DO BOO
orbit sweet mint
oats ‘n honey nutri grain bar
mac c-thru gloss
mac stripdown lip pencil
a bottle of dasani
pens
office key
an array of hand/body creams
tampon
pink highlighter
cute, cute mirror that came with my michael kors giftset
a little frame that i got at a coach outlet years ago – I JUST REALIZED THAT I MUST REALLY LIKE COACH
listerine strips – I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THAT PEPPERMINT PATTY SENSATION
body spray – SENTIMENTAL SINCE MY LITTLE BROTHER PICKED IT
a nerd stick – I THINK IT’S REALLY CALLED A FLASH DRIVE (ONE OF MY GFs COINED THAT PHRASE & IT STUCK)

A BIT EXCESSIVE? BECAUSE I THOUGHT I'D HAVE A LOT MORE. A SEWING KIT AT LEAST. AND WHERE'S MY SWISS ARMY KNIFE? EITHER WAY, I’M ABOUT TO SERIOUSLY DOWNGRADE. SERIOUSLY TRY TO DEMOTE.

BUT I USE ALL THAT STUFF!! THE DAYS OF A CELL, A LIPGLOSS & A MIRROR ARE LONG GONE (UNLESS IT'S A CLUTCH OF COURSE).

boy you don’t mean nu-uuuuuthing at alllllll to meeeeeeeeeeeee (once i figured out what the heck nelly frittata (furtado, haha) was saying, i can’t stop singing it.)

great. now i want a frittata.

i miss the hills!! i'm sitting here watching the freakin' real world episodes and i miss the hills. maybe i'll go to target and buy the season 1 dvd. was that good? i am so attached to season 2 that i can't even imagine. i am curious to see what all the hoopla on lc (lauren knows that she'll always be lc; just like no matter how much i say mercy, i'll always be mercedes or mert or halle berry jr). ick, i don't really like halle berry. not since she ran that lady over and kept driving -anyway. oh yeah . . . i wanna see what all the hoopla on lc & dopehead jason is about.

i'm on another hunt this weekend. the most fantabulous hair product ever for natural black hair. that and a sale on spacebags.

go!

pearls from kareem

CREAM EMAILED ME THIS CARTOON YESTERDAY. FUNNY GUY I GOT THERE (I HAD TO LAUGH THOUGH BECAUSE THIS IS SO US . . . MORE LIKE, THIS IS SO HIS INTERPRETATION OF ME "DOING MY THING") .WHATEVER, I LOVE HIM.


SITE SEEING:
GOES GREAT WITH THAT MORNING CUP OF JOE:
http://www.sitstay.com/comics/

THE DAILY, WITHOUT A DOUBT (I’M REFRESHING THE FIRST TWO SITES ALL DAY & GOING THRU THE ARCHIVES SOMETIMES JUST FOR KICKS - JUNKIE):
http://www.socialitelife.com/
http://www.bossip.com/
http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/
http://imaginarysocialite.com/
http://www.style.com/

I LOVE TO THINK UP A RANDOM PHRASE & THEN GOOGLE TRANSLATE IT. GOOD TIMES. http://www.google.com/translate_t

GUARANTEED LAUGHS @
http://www.milkfat.com/

IN BETWEEN TIME I CATCH UP ON MY ONLINE BFFs/FAVE BLOGS
http://stephanieklein.blogs.com/
http://www.princessmelissa.com/weblog/
http://reinventingjackdavey.blogspot.com/

WHEN I’M BORED I CHECKOUT:
http://www.mediatakeout.com/
http://crunktastical.blogspot.com/

STORY:
Yesterday was a birthday dinner party for two: me and the birthday girl, coldstone sweet neci. i think she’s like 25 for the third time in a row or something. i forget. anyway, it was fabulous . . . finally.

i pickup the ingredients after work, upgrading everything: the good cheese, the good pepperoni, the good bag of spinach, instead of lettuce . . . ooh and fresh mushrooms. but then i got to the english muffins (we were having gourmet mini pizzas for the main entrée), somehow i lost focus that i was on this high-end kick by purchasing some i-thought-only-thomas’-was-the-brand-that-made english muffins.

well evidently, thomas’ is the only one that makes the good english muffins. because when i got home (as soon as coldstone sweet neci got there too) i discovered that these were molded so bad that even the inside of the container was green. (GAG) and yes i checked the expiration date, it was may 11th NOT EVEN HERE YET! stupid knock offs.

SO WE GO BACK TO MY FANCY-SMANCY OVERPRICED GROCER (i have not one idea why i decided to capitalize now) . . . AND THEY GLADLY SWAPPED ME OUT FOR THE THOMAS’ ONES. NO QUESTIONS ASKED; OUTSTANDING CUSTOMER SERVICE IS PRICELESS. BUT DON’T GET HAPPY YET . . .

WHEN WE STEPPED BACK OUTSIDE, IT WAS POOOOOOOOOOOOOOURING RAIN. I MEAN HIGH TIDE! SO ANOTHER STORE MANAGER COMES UP TO US AND SAYS, “WHERE’S YOUR CAR? I CAN PULL IT UP FOR YOU SO THAT YOU LADIES DON’T HAVE TO GET WET?” WITHOUT HESITATION I WENT, “OKAY, THANKS”

HE GOT THE CAR, MY FLAT-IRONED HAIR STAYED IN TACT, THE SUN WAS SHINING WHEN WE GOT HOME, WE WERE ABLE TO LAUGH AND ENJOY GREAT COMPANY . . . AND THEN WE WENT TO COLDSTONE.

DAMN ICE CREAM COST ME LIKE TEN BUCKS. GOTTA LOVE THE BIRTHDAY GIRL.

this is why i blog, this is why i blog, this is why, this is why, this is why i blog

I DIDN’T EAT A DECENT BREAKFAST THIS MORNING BUT I HAD TWO CUPS OF COFFEE SO I ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED THRU MY TASK LIST (AND SHOOK LIKE A SCARED LITTLE BAD ASS CHIHUAHUA ALL MORNING).

I GOTTA MAKE SOME TIME TO WORKOUT FOR LIKE 15 MINUTES AND EAT IN THE MORNING. I WAS READING THAT IF YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO WORKOUT FOR AN HOUR DURING THE DAY, THAT YOU SHOULD BREAK IT INTO SEGMENTS. BUT THAT SENTENCE IS SO HARD TO REMEMBER DURING THE NEXT FIFTEEN MINUTES AFTER THE ALARM GOES OFF.

DO YOU WATCH THE REAL WORLD? LOVE THAT SHOW. STILL. I EVEN APPLIED TO GET ON IT ONCE (RIGHT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL). REMEMBER MELISSA, THE FILIPINO/BLACK CHICK FROM THE WHAT CITY WAS THAT CAST? I THINK NEW ORLEANS. WELL, SHE’S GOT HER OWN BLOG SITE. CHECK IT OUT, SHE’S PRETTY FUNNY. SHE WAS ON THIS SHOW CALLED GIRLS BEHAVING BADLY AFTER HER REAL WORLD DAYS - LOVED THAT TOO. SHE DID THIS BIT ONE TIME WHERE SHE HAD ON A WEDDING GOWN AND BUSTED OUT OF A BOX AS IF SHE WERE A MAIL ORDER BRIDE. HIIIIIIIIIIIILARIOUS . . .

OH YEAH, MY POINT. I FOUND ANOTHER RIGOROUS BATHING RITUAL. SEE, IT’S A GIRL THING. A PRISSY GIRL THING. A VAIN, PRISSY GIRL THING. I WAS ONLINE (OF COURSE) READING WHAT IS NOW ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE BLOGS EVER (PRINCESSMELISSA.COM) WHEN I CAME ACROSS A POSTING ENTITLED 99 PRODUCTS. UH-HUH, MAKES ME LOOK NOT SO NEUROTIC NOW, DOESN’T IT (NOW I SEE WHY SOME OF YOU WANTED ME TO GO INTO MORE DETAIL WITH MINE).

YOUR APOLOGIES ACCEPTED.

OH YEAH AND I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN ALL THAT SLEEPING YESTERDAY THAT I ALREADY MESSED UP MY NEW CLEANING ROUTINE. [THIS HANDY TIP COMES FROM MY ADD BOOK THAT I’M READING]

OH WAIT. IF I MAKE MONDAY THE DESIGNATED DAY FOR A ROOM THAT DOESN’T NEED TO BE CLEANED THEN I’M BACK ON TRACK. WHEW!

I’M SO SMART. CUTE, MOISTURIZED & SMART. WHAT A PACKAGE :)

deux fois dans une nuit

i like this hairstyle. it's so me . . . hmm, sounds like a project

I'M LAUGHING AT ADVENTURES IN HOLLYHOOD SO HARD RIGHT NOW THAT I CAN' T HARDLY TYPE. THREE 6 MAFIA ARE HILARIOUS! EVEN BLACK PAGEANT KIM GAVE THE SHOW A CHANCE AND LAUGHED. (SHE ORIGINALLY TOLD ME AND CRAZY BRINA THAT SHE "WILL NOT WATCH THAT COONERY")

I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY THEY HAVE SUBTITLES THOUGH AND THERE ARE NONE ON E'S REALITY SHOW KATIE AND PETER. EVERY SUNDAY I'M TURNING ON THE TV. I DON'T KNOW WHO THESE TWO ARE. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE SAYING. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE POINT. BUT I WATCH IT. USUALLY CRAZY BRINA IS OVER AT THAT TIME AND WE'RE BOTH LOOKING AT IT WITH OUR FACES ALL SCRUNCHED UP.

TOLD YOU I WAS SICK.

I SLEPT FROM 11 SOMETHING TO LIKE 5:27! WHATHEFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S CRAZY. I'VE BEEN GOING TO SLEEP AT A DECENT HOUR. I HAVEN'T HAD ANY OF MY INSOMNIA SPELLS FOR A WHILE EITHER (PRAISE THE LORD). I GUESS I JUST NEEDED SLEEP BECAUSE I FEEL GREAT NOW --- ACTUALLY, I'M READY TO GO TO BED AGAIN.

WAIT . . . THREE 6 MAFIA ACTION FIGURES? HUH? OKAY, LET ME GO SO I CAN WATCH THIS.

technical difficulties are such a pain in the chest

SORRY FOR THE DELAY BUT “MY” INTERNET AT HOME IS ACTING ALL QUIRKY THESE DAYS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE DEAL IS.

I SHOULD REALLY GET OUT TO THE BOOKSTORE MORE TO GET ONLINE ANYWAY – THAT’S WHAT I REALLY LOVE TO DO. ONLY THING IS THAT I’VE BEEN WORKING ON ALL THESE PROJECTS AT HOME SO I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO TAKE THE TIME TO GET AWAY.

THE COUNTDOWN TO THE MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED WEEKEND EVER IS RAPIDLY APPROACHING. OH MY GOSH, I HAVEN’T BEEN THIS EXCITED SINCE I BOUGHT THE BOX SET OF THE ENTIRE SERIES OF SEX AND THE CITY. YAH, IT’S THAT BIG.

I’M SUCH A HYPOCHONDRIAC.

LAST NIGHT BLACK PAGEANT KIM CAME OVER TO WALK WITH ME (I CALL HER THAT BECAUSE HER MOM NAMED HER AFTER SOME GIRL THAT SHE SAW IN A PAGEANT WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT AND KIM REALLY LIVES UP TO THIS MUSE). exempli gratia: SHE’S VERY POISED AND ANSWERS QUESTIONS LIKE THE Q&A PORTION OF THE MISS USA PAGEANT. IT’S REALLY FUNNY. I LOVE HER.

OH YEAH, OH YEAH, OH YEAH . . . MY POINT. HYPOCHONDRIAC. YEAH.

AS SOON AS BLACK PAGEANT KIM SAID THAT IF HER MOM WAS THERE SHE’D TELL US TO PUT SOMETHING ON OUR HEADS OR WE’D GET SICK, I JUST KNEW THAT I WAS COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING. SO I WAKE UP ALL WHEEZY THIS MORNING WITH A SORE THROAT. I WENT TO WORK TO DO WHAT HAD TO BE DONE (UH HUH, SUPER-ASSISTANT HERE) & THEN RETURNED HOME TO GET SOME REST.

FOR REAL I’M GETTING READY TO GO TO BED WHEN I FINISH THIS. USE MY INHALER AND GO TO BED. USE MY INHALER, MAKE SOME TEA WITH HONEY AND THEN GO TO BED. I WONDER IF I SHOULD TAKE A SHOWER. I DON’T FEEL LIKE I CAN’T RELAX.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I JUST GOT SOME NEUTROGENA OVERNIGHT BODY CREAM THAT YOU PUT ON AFTER YOUR NIGHTTIME SHOWER AND IT HELPS YOU RELAX. TALK ABOUT COVETED SKIN IN THE MORNING! THIS STUFF IS DELISH. IT’S GOT LAVENDER & CHAMOMILE.

OKAY. INHALER, TEA, SHOWER, BODY CREAM, BED. PEACE <3

Ma, guess what!

What?

I'm going to see The Color Purple on Broadway *big smile*

When?

When I go to Jersey.

Whaaaaaaat!! With who?

Well, I can't really say. I don't know if I can. (i was in full crazy brina mode)

Why not?

Well. He's a celebrity. A major celebrity.

Really? (my mom is so dramatic so she's whispering right now)

Yeah . . . but I know that you won't tell.

Now you know that. Who is it?

Michael Jackson. King of Pop, ma. Can you believe it?

(silence)

Wait, are you mad? I'm sorry. Does that bother you? It's crazy, right?

(insert: best supportive voice ever)

I don't see anything wrong with it. Is he nice?

gah!!!!!!!!! i BUSTED out laughing.

i'm so tired . . . and i've been tired (hence the reason that i haven't blogged in a minute). that and i don't have anything on my mind right now outside of my upcoming trip and the search for my most perfect daytime outfit ever. i'm thinking colorful maxi dress with an interesting bangle.

if you find one . . . don't buy it for yourself, let me know

god is great, god is good. let's us pray before our food for thought

please read the following to help my family, to help my little cousin:

God,
Jaylyn is sick.
Let her know your healing touch.
Hold her in the palm of your hand.
Help her family and the doctors make the best decisions they can about her care.
Amen.

-------------------------------------------------

what a day. i cannot waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait to sleep in tomorrow!!

ooh. i just saw my favorite commercial right now. the one where the girl stands up to do a toast at a wedding reception and goes, "i just want to say *sniff, sniff* that i got the most amazing deal on this dress at tj maxx . . . (leaning over like she's just too weak) i just feel like the luckiest girl in the world." dang. i was born to be an actress. but i got so much going on right now that i might have to let that calling be. :)

who has seen sugarfoot?

i was up watching three 6 mafia's adventures in hollyhood yesterday and seriously couldn't even sit down to watch it. i literally stood up in front of the tv and could not move; it's like commercials didn't even happen. sugarfoot. she is one of the dude's (big triece) now-fiance. she made a freakin' aphrodisiac out of ranch dressing and sugar. i'm not kidding. you have to see it. there was no whipped cream [specifically in an aerosol can] available in the house so she made her own. this show is hilarious. now i'm dyin' to see a marathon. my other favorite part is when she lets out this burp that was so loud it blew my hair back and triece goes, *in pure awe* damn, i love you! classic. these two have got to be my favorite couple right now!! they ooze love. that good ole country love . . . with ranch.

i was telling g.ma about them today. she told me (and by the way, i'm never gonna live this product list down) that for now on she'll be calling me brownsugarfoot. haha, i like it. i am sooooooo brownsugarfoot . . . with saltines.

saltines & fried chicken. that's my meal!!

no i didn't walk today, and

if i didn't have a blister the size of a mini cooper on my toe, i'd be straight. i couldn't go walking but it didn't keep me from being productive. i danced around my living room for like an hour and a half. . . and i plan to do some pilates ball exercises (probably for about ten seconds). plus i scrapbooked. that's gotta count for something.

so i found this book today (actually my boss told me about it a while ago) called add-friendly ways to organize your life. my days are full of to-do's. matter-of-fact i have a whole book dedicated to it; that's what i use my dayplanner for. an agenda log. like today's says

verify bank deposits

call dad about pics

b&n book on hold

mailbox

gonna-miss-you lunch (my treat)

closet hangers

figure out accounts

do pilates if raining

fashionjunkee dot com

scrapbook girl meets boy

cool new pen

everyone says that i'm the most organized person that they know. not true. i'm only organized because i'm too lazy to look for stuff. organized chaos. plus i learned in learning strategies (actual college course for kids with learning disabilities -- met all my best friends [except crazy brina] in that class; that class was our sorority, man) that to function with add you just have to label everything (which i do) and create a place for everything (i try). it helps. it really helps.

now i'm thinking . . . how great would it be for y'all to know crazy brina. she's so funny without even trying to be funny. stuff like - being a college freshman with a poster of ben chavis over her bed because she [still to this day because i heard her say it a week ago] thinks he's "so super sexy". he's not an ugly guy - he's just sugar daddy age; that's all i'm sayin'.

actually, the book is on hold and i need to go pick it up within the next two hours (it's 9 o'clock!!). i want to thank you for reading the blog. and stoooooooooooooooooop thinking that i'm walking around all greasy. i don't put all the products all over me, silly. and yes, i now realize that it's a lot of stuff. but using a teeny of each thing really isn't bad. just google it all and order the samples and see. (disclaimer: mercy the butterfly chaser is not responsible for any spam that may be associated with signing up for free stuff online)

okay. gotta go see my book. just wanted to blog to make sure that i did write a little something today. peace.

*********************special message************************ abcdefghijKLMnopqrstuvwxyz

no more excuses, ok? none

i successfully walked for the third day in a row. i could have easily quit but i didn't. it felt good too because i made a conscious decision to do it. i had a baby shower to go to after work today and i knew that we'd be heading out around the time that i like to walk (or a little later) but i told myself that if it's not dark, i can make time to do it or i'm gonna have to do something else.

my philosophy is that if i can do it one day then i can do it two. if i can do it two, then do four. if four days are doable, make it a week. two weeks can easily turn to a month. . . . you know where i'm going with this. keep it up. no excuses. one monkey don't stop no show either (that's gotta be one of my mother's favorites lines).

in church this past sunday, i read something that struck me as funny and true and relevant to some conversations that i've been having lately and very motivational (all at the same time):

ADAM AND EVE DID EVERYTHING THEY COULD TO AVOID TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR SIN. ADAM BLAMED HIS WIFE, EVE BLAMED THE SERPENT. ONE OF THE DIRGES OF MANKIND IS THAT WE REFUSE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR PROBLEMS: OUR PARENTS DID NOT RAISE US WELL; OUR FRIENDS LET US DOWN; OUR PASTOR WAS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH PREACHER; OUR CHILDREN ARE REBELLIOUS; OUR SPOUSE IS NOT UNDERSTANDING; THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY. THE EXCUSES ARE PLENTIFUL. FORGIVENESS AND RESTORATION CANNOT HAPPEN UNTIL WE ACCEPT FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS.

get skinspired

i've been getting quite a few emails about the posh beauty regimen that i treat myself to every day. yup, every single day (sometimes twice, like tonight). i'll share the glamour. gotta give to receive, right? for starters. i'll let you know who my skinspirations are:

the beautiful ethiopian stunner liya kebede, the ever-glowing kate hudson & obviously the world famous $1200-per-bottle-moisturizer connoisseur j.lo.

project pure radiance in full effect. number one rule of thumb/weakness/impulse purchase: buy anything containing the word glow. mmm, glow; now that's the four-letter word that i live to hear. (haha)

it was so funny at church today. i got up and told a story about my family and the cancer and the way god is speaking to me and inspiring me to do so much positivity. i was like, "when people ask me these days about my glow i don't have to respond with the brand of moisturizer that i'm using, it's god. i'm just so happy and enlightened right now that he's making me shine." i got a standing ovation for that too. it's the truth though. it really is. god is love. god is glow.

so brina and i went walking today for an hour. i was thinking of a brisk jog/walk combo but my body let me know that a powerwalk was more up my alley. cool. i'm so sore right now. i think that my fingers are actually the only things tonight that are alright (otherwise this blog would so have to wait). even my brain is sore. hopefully i'll be getting some results soon to keep me going because i know that it's a great thing.

woohoo, focus. beauty regimen. emails. inquirers. okay, okay, gotcha. i'm back on point. and this is totally for the ladies and the metrosexuals that totally feel me on this. everybody can't handle it. so . . . for those who can't, i'm sure that i'll be writing another funny short story soon. peace. love ya, babe.

ok so the morning shower (or early afternoon if it's the weekend) is my absolute favorite place to be. and i really love my closet so that statement really means a lot. it's that important. know that the list changes when i'm aiight about something and not totally in love. plus everyone should customize the following for what works for them. that's the benefit of having your signature scent. be your own genre.

my current (but alternating) daily glam squad consists of:

neutrogena deep clean face wash

neutrogena rainbath (aquamarine, delish!)

aveda soothing aqua therapy

skintimate skintherapy moisturizing shave gel -or-

keihl's simply mahvelous legs shave cream & the aftershave (if i'm buying close to payday)

my pet, quattro (love that razor)

dove cream oil body wash (pouf daddy, the biggest yum!!)

neutrogena sesame body oil

johnson's original baby powder

jergens original scent lotion (the almond & cherry one, loves it)

beauticontrol brown sugar lotion (either that or michael kors)

palmer's coconut oil

vaseline (mixed with nivea creme)

kiehl's cucumber herbal alcohol free toner

pond's dry skin cream (this one is subject to change . . . i'm always hunting for a fab moisturizer)

not bad. just go with neutrogena, keihl's or anything that has glow on the bottle and we should be good.

starbucks, brunch & the know on making it last

what an interesting weekend i've had so far (it's sunday a little after midnight). hmm, let's see. girls night in. phone conversation where i got called a ho (indirectly). middle-of-the-night rearranging of the apartment. early morning rise for more cleaning. impromtu dance session. brunch. sunshine. starbucks pit stop. wedding. daydreaming. dancing and having fun with the work crew. research. daydream a little more. back home. read emails. blogging here & now - can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.

i randomly asked two couples tonight about the secret to a successful relationship. the husband of couple number one said (with a smile from ear to ear) that it wouldn't be appropriate to tell me at the table. whatever. and the wife of couple number two instantly responded, communication. [as soon as she said it] all four continually nodded their heads yes.

got it. but how do i communicate with someone that doesn't give me a chance to respond? i should have asked what's number two . . . got to be patience, right?

cancer is the new cold

i just discovered that when you say that someone dear to you has cancer,

the person that you're talking with knows someone too (or three)

IF I HAD HAIR LIKE THIS . . . THE WORLD REALLY COULDN'T HOLD ME. SERIOUSLY. HERE WE GO AGAIN - MY FRIENDS AND THEIR BEAUTIFUL KIDS. I DON'T THINK THEY REALIZE WHAT HIGH EXPECTATIONS ARISE FOR WHEN I HAVE MY OWN. OH, THE PRESSURE!! THIS MUST BE HOW J.LO FEELS SINCE SHE'S ALWAYS HANGING AROUND THAT ÜBERCUTE SURI.


IT HAPPENED DAYS AGO AND I WASN'T SURE. DIDN'T WANT TO OVERTHINK THINGS. I'VE NOW HAD TIME TO REALLY EVALUATE THE SITUATION WITHOUT JINXING ANTHING OR JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS . . . (CAN'T YOU HEAR THE DRUM GOING DUN-DUN-DAAAAH) I'M IN LOVE AGAIN. DOVE CREAM OIL BODY WASH. THE ULTRA RICH ONE IN THE PINKISH BOTTLE. AND DID YOU KNOW IT'S POUF, NOT POOF? YOU WASH WITH A POUF (READ IT ON THE BACK OF THE BOTTLE). I'M OFFICIALLY CHANGING ITS NAME TO POUF DADDY. YUM; LOVES IT. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M STILL ALL ABOUT MY QUATTRO (CHECKING FOR STUBBLE EVERY DAY IN HOPES THAT I'LL GET TO USE IT).


IT'S SUCH AN AWESOME FEELING WHEN I GET TO UPGRADE (GREAT, NOW I'M GONNA HAVE THAT STUPID BEYONCE UPGRADE SONG IN MY HEAD FOR THE NEXT FORTY-THREE MINUTES) MY INTRICATE LACEWORK OF BEAUTY PROCESS. I ALREADY WALK TO THE BEAT OF I'M TOO SEXY.


G.MA (MY WORK GRANDMA) JUST ROLLS HER EYES WHEN SOMEONE WALKS BY ME AND SAYS, "OOH, YOU SMELL SO GOOD. WHAT IS THAT?" I HAD HER ROLLING BECAUSE THE LIST IS SO LONG THAT IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE:

is it citrus? nooooo
is it coconut? noooooo
is it perfume-y? noooo, that's not it
brown sugar? uh uh
hmm, maybe it's the baby powder. (by now they're like, wow!! )

G HAD ME CRACKING UP TODAY. SHE TOLD ME THAT I'M WAY TOO SERIOUS ABOUT THIS ROUTINE THAT I'M SO PROUD OF (SHE INSISTS ON CALLING ME BEYONCE AND I HAVE TO CORRECT HER EVERY TIME THAT I MAKE A MUCH BETTER J.LO). SHE SAYS SHE CAN SEE ME FIFTEEN YEARS FROM NOW GOING, "I'M COMING, HONEY, I'M ONLY ON LAYER THIRTEEN".

smells like the inside of a box

i got an email today from my cousin. it must suck to not be able to think outside the box:

she sends:
I don't get it. The more I think I know you, I realize I don't. I just took the time to read your blog today. Considering I just got in from S.C. yesterday and it's time that I catch up with my mail.
I was told that your Dad was up this way visiting your grandmother. That's on my list of things to do soon.
Very interesting article you wrote. I never knew how strange you really are until I read your blog.
Chat with you later: Stop thinking so MUCH!

my reply:
please don't EVER read my blog again. thanks.


some nerve. i hardly even talk to her. whatevs. and i bet she didn't even click on the ads to help a sista out. *psht* but for all your congratulators, thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks.


moving on. since i didn't get to go home this weekend, i sent a text to my friend lalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaah that i can go to church with her. she had invited me before and i thought it'd be great to visit a new one for a change. when we pulled in to the kingdom hall instantly i was like oh no, oh no, ohmygah . . . but i'm not, but i'm not, but i'm not * wait, why am i trippin' (this all happened in my head for like 3 seconds. i don't even think she noticed. i kept my cool).

turned out that church was wonderful. it was my first time visiting a kingdom hall (obviously). loved it! everyone was so welcoming and the lesson was great (shout out to park road congregation). for sure the JWs know the bible. it sucks that they seem to get such a bad rap for the first-thing-saturday-morning door knocking because i can honestly say that it's the most heartfelt welcome that i've ever received as a visitor.

thinking back . . . there was no collection plate either. hmm, very interesting. wonder how they do that.

i had it rough today though. stupid crap tried to knock me out of my element but negativity can't hold me down right now - i got laundry to do.

i love you

where does a gal find a hot pink pillow in this town?

target. that and all the other goodies that i put on today's to-get list: rainbath, a pink puff for the shower, a powder poof, sesame body oil & that new dove cream oil body wash.

today is totally a sex-and-the-city-dvd day. i was up from 12:27 to 3:33 (all a.m.) on the phone having one of the most ________ (i can't figure out what adjective to put here) conversations that i've had in a very long time. well, i did about 9% of the talking and he (isn't it always a he?) did the rest. anyway, it was very draining. then i called him this morning. no answer. humph, that's nice.

i really don't think of myself as a bad person. i've been known to be in my own world at times but not bad. there are issues. issues that i've been dealing with for a long time - and finally i'm making some real progress. or so i thought. NO! what am i talking about I AM TOTALLY MAKING PROGRESS. that conversation just had me a little shook. i cried a little & even yelled once. i don't want to be that person anymore. (insert: sigh) my biggest goal is to be a great communicator. i know that i'm a lot better than i used to be (validated by the fact that my family congratulates me on it all the time). they're proud of me for sharing my innermost thoughts and upsets with them. so why did the wee hours conversation make me feel like i took a step back?

i did learn last night that men have feelings too. (message to him: i am so sorry. for everything bad.)

i woke up this morning with dried tears all on my face. eww. crying in my sleep too? damn. and my stomach hurts. geez. i am so sorry. one thing that usually works like a bandaid - trying on cute dresses. i was supposed to be going home to visit my uncle and mom today but the weather is too nasty for travel so they advised me to take a raincheck (haha). so after talking on the phone for a little while this morning, i took a nap (at this time it's like 8:35 a.m.) and then i got dressed and went to marshalls.

groooooooss! remind me never to eat another carb for as long as i live. back fat = fat back = disgusting = never try on anything when you're having a yucky day. so after i finish this bag of lay's rosemary & herb potato chips. no. more. carbs.

there is no specific definition of what it is or what causes it

my father does not get it. he just DOES. NOT. GET. IT. AT. ALL. i'm on the phone with him tonight and he goes so did you get my email? the one about the nurses in the wet shirts? and i instantly scream let it gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. then my aunt starts shouting in the background what, what, what is she doing? what's going on? crazy family.

so i'm on the phone laughing and flipping thru channels and eating a piece of leftover pizza and looking at that weird spot on my toe (what is that? note to self: google toe cancer) while opening my mail when i come across an envelope that contains a picture of the most beautiful twins ever - hands down. (showoffs)

whatever happened to the two-beautiful-people-cant-make-a-pretty-baby rule? then to go and make beautiful twins! (insert: nausea) enough that she's my funniest friend (who just so happens to be a perfect little petite specimen with dimples). she had to go and marry a very handsome, very kind, also humorous straight guy (who's now my most favorite friend-in-law . . . wait, slow down. well, not more favorite than my ken doll, but a very close 2nd) .

(disgusting)

disgusting, right? told you. i'm not even gonna torture you by showing the other beautiful clone. freakin' flukes of nature.

There is actually a society for owners of a razor!

Proud of owning your Schick Quatto? Well here's your cult.

Don't even ask me how I found it. Ordinary bores me. I'm one those random (see: adhd, also: anxieties) chicks plus I absolutely adore Google.

I'm having [another] one of those nights. Those nights where you feel like everybody has got something to do except you. I literally went thru my phone tonight and singled out the people who have no one special (single and/or no kids) in their lives. Isn't that pitiful? Out of 114, how many do you think I have? Four and a possible. I don't know what's sadder: the statistics or the fact that I'm sitting here actually counting.

Ahh. that's how I got to the secret razor society . . . the only thing I'm so in love with right now is my Quattro. My legs feel a-mah-zing! Damn, I sound like an ad. I'd be such a cute actress. One of those black-and-white commercials like the match.com ones. Anyway, this wonderful impulsive purchase (triggered a few days ago out of boredom and no art projects to work on) got me wanting to splurge on some other things that I really don't need just to get out of the house tonight and stop thinking about the hundred and ten people in my address book that have someone to love them.

It sucks when you love someone so much and you have no idea if the person loves you back. It also sucks if you find the person after time apart and you have no idea how to reheat the love leftovers.

perfect example

i'm such a nerd/Google whore/obsessive about random things/compulsive about everything person that it's ridiculous. so when i'm online this morning looking up new words in 2007 (for absolutely no reason at all), i came across ohnosecond and it just clicked: i'm full of oh-no seconds. i should have invented that. great. just like the sticky note; i let it slip right by.

i've been blogging on myspace for a while now and getting great feedback too . . . so here i am - nationwide, baby. bringin' it on. i have had communication issues for the longest when i'm in a relationship. i was all bottled up and getting crazy over everything and decided, ooh i should get a therapist. i took some really good communication classes (told you i'm a nerd) but the therapy, it was total bullshit. the doc was kinda creepy at first because he'd say something and then just look at me like he was staring at a piece of cheese that had a slight bit of mold on it trying to figure out whether or not to cut around it or just get rid of it all together. longest fifty minutes of my week. at the time i was just getting into myspace and decided to blog. well, what do you know? making people laugh about my everyday episodes, thoughts and mishaps really gets nosy people on my tip. cool.

i love reading funnies too. and i'm super nosy. so this is right up my alley.

yesterday i sent a mass email out for everyone to google "[first name] needs" and crack up at what they see. (google whore) just do it. it's hilarious. my friend millie's was the best! go head MILLIE NEEDS.

**i'll wait for you to go ahead and do your own and then return right back here dot com** google.com

ok so. ohnosecond. i send an email to all the guys in my addressbook about reasons why guys are happy/gracious/lucky. it's supposed to be a forward but i always delete all the pass-this-on-to-everyone-you-know-or-you'll-die crap. so i get all these replies back from dudes feelin' all worthy. then i get a reply from my father:

thank you so much for the joy you bring to yourself, i agree woman should be allowed to come out in white wet shirts especially the young nurses after my children admit there daddio into an assisted living homey. thanks for the funny mail, love dad

uh, no. i'm so creeped out. i tried to wash it off. so i go a little rougher today as i get into my daily regimen of bar soap then shower gel then shower gel with the Aveda scubby stuff then the face wash then shave then rinse then body oil then powder then lotion then scented lotion then some Vaseline on the dry spots then some squirts of smell good then toner then moisturizer and robe & slippers. i'm good. then i go to my gmail to look one more time. damn. now that, my friends, is an ohnosecond (squared).